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Pink Panther

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Miss Independence... [22 Aug 2005|06:09am]
[ mood | exanimate ]

Well it has been forever since I last wrote. Very many things have changed since my last entry. I am an official college student, as I started my first day at U of A. I only had one class, so it was a pretty easy day. Tomorrow, though I have two so it might be a little more challenging. I am staying in a hotel room with my new house mate, Ida. She is such a nice girl, and we respect each others privacy, and we cover for each other lol. Her boyfriend lives in an apartment close by so she has spent most of her time there. I wish my boyfriend was here, but soon he will.

Yes also in big news is that I finally told my parents about James. Yes, after months of hiding, my parents now know I am dating James. It’s all gone by much smoother than I thought it would. Now that I’m 18, I guess the age difference isn’t that big of a deal. All that my mother was worried about was that she thought I would waste my time in a relationship when I could go out and date and experience college guys. Well actually at first she wanted James and me to take a break for a year, and if afterwards we still wanted to, we could date. All I could really tell her is that I care about him and he cares about me, and if things didn’t work out, I had my whole life to get back on my feet and find someone else. Which is true, but I just said that to make her happy. Anyways back to my point. James is supposed to visit Wednesday and stay through Friday. My parents only know that he is coming on Friday because he is helping us move into the new house. I’m such a terrible child…

Saying goodbye wasn’t that hard, well at first it was. I went to Tucson last Wednesday to do some last minute things at U of A, and on the way back it all hit me. That I was leaving Yuma and leaving my friends and family. Later that night, I met up with Luis for the last time. He was leaving Thursday morning to head of to ASU. It was right at that moment when I fell apart. I started to cry, because I knew that things were changing for the worst. I started to wish that I was staying in Yuma where everyone else was. Luis really helped me and actually felt the same way, but in the end we realized that we were going to somewhere better. After that I met up with James, and I cried when I saw him too. I was so scared of losing him and that when I left, he wouldn’t want to try to make the relationship work. Luckily for me, he was nothing but sympathetic and reassured me that we would be ok as long as we tried….

So now I am in Tucson, and actually enjoying the time I have to myself. College is so different, and there are so many people. All I want to do is do well in school, and enjoy my independence, is that so hard?

1thoughts<3

Short and Sweet [08 Aug 2005|12:00pm]
[ mood | blank ]

The Mall Tour in Tucson was great! Better than I expected actually, pictures will be posted as soon as I get them back, hope they turn out good

I'm leaving to Tucson in less than two weeks, I'm extreamly nervous, but its now or never. its going to be a whole new experience that I hope I'm ready for

For the most part everything is real laid back, so yeah i'm going to go.

Ta-Ta

7thoughts<3

Lets Hug it Out Bitch [29 Jul 2005|10:39am]
[ mood | grumpy ]

Ah, my first entry as a legal adult...sweet

So yeah Tuesday was my birthday. It was very simple and sweet. My mom got me some makeup as a present and so also ordered a cake (I dont know why, i told her i wasn't going to invite anyone over and stuff, but oh well)
Anyways, Luis and I went to Applebee's where we waited forever for Chris and Jules to show up but it took them longer than expected so I decided to just let them met us at my house. Before we walked in though, they told me I had to open my gift. I opened it and boy was it interesting: a pack of cigarettes (cause I can buy them now), a deck of playing cards (with naked men on them), mints (shaped as penis'), lotto tickets (cause I can buy them), and a $25 gift card to hastings. God I love my Chris and Jules, they spoil me with dirty things. I got a good kick out of it, its most likely some of the best presents I've ever gotten. Well, we went inside and had cake and blah, blah, blah, and left. From there we went our separate ways for the night, actually Luis dropped me off so I could meet up with James. From there him and I spent the rest of the night together, then he dropped me off at 1am at my house.

The other night Chris and Jules came to my house and we looked at the entire deck of cards, meaning I've looked at 52 different penis'. Damn I'm a whore....

So my last day at work was last Saturday. I was ready to come in, and just do nothing, and be a bum, but it totally didn't come out that way. I was actually quiet busy. The managers wanted all these displays out, and all the clearance out, so it was really hard to cram everything in. Everyone was real nice to me too, they even brought in donuts and cupcakes! Even Laura wanted to make sure I would be back before I left to Tucson to say bye. That day, I also met two new ladies that were working at the department. The first one was Flora who was an older lady, but who had worked at the old store and wanted to come back to work in the new one. The other girl was named Sarah, who was in her late 20's I'm sure (I'm not good with guessing people's ages). That day I also found out that Cory quit. He hadn't shown up to work in a week, and we figured he was sick, but as always just at the last minute the managers told us that he had quit. It sucks cause I didn't get to work with him that much, but he was such a nice guy, and it was fun working with him. Anyways...even an hour before I was supposed to leave I was moving boxes around and fixing displays, but it made the time go by faster. So i am officially done with that, and have been bumming around since then

5thoughts<3

The End [28 May 2005|05:02am]
[ mood | hopeful ]

WOOT WOOT! I am now an official high school graduate! *feels pimped out*

Last night went well, the graduation mass went well. The only time I got emotional was when I heard Vicky sing, because I knew it would be the last time I would hear her sing...and that in someway broke my heart
*except when Sara Pat fell down the stairs and ate it hard on the ground, but she laughed, well laughed, and in the end I'm sure thats how Sara Pat wanted to be remembered*

Then graduation itself, was *to me at least* a joyous time. The ceremony was more fun, than sad. All of the speeches were great, because the speakers didn't do anything but be themselves, and say what they truly felt. Janea had a nice speech, very...Janea like, formal, nice, and sweet. Andrew's..well...was Andrew, sarcastic, witty, funny, and adorable. When he was doing his speech, I realized that I am going to miss him so much, the way he is, the way he thinks, he was saying the things we always thought, and I will always love him for that. Eddie's speech was very supportive. He said what he felt, right when he felt it and I thought that was beautiful. He was encouraging and sweet, and made us all aware that we are loved. *sigh* *blank stares*...anyways....

For the most it was funny, I was sitting next to Mark, and he was making wise cracks whenever he could. I think that is also one of the reasons I didn't feel very emotional. When everything was said and done we had to go to the gym to watch the slideshow. We couldn't have had it outside because it was too windy. The slide show was great and I think everyone liked it. We saw pictures from long ago, and ones taken last week. Its strange to see how people have changed and what we have all become. After that I took pictures with my family, got my diploma and chilled around for a bit. I saw people crying and it didn't really hit me until...

I got to see Sister Mary Ann. She gave me a hug and I started to fall apart. Ever thinking about it right now gets me all emotional. I told her I wouldn't have gotten here without her, that I wouldn't have made it this far if she hadn't believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. The times I didn't want to show my face, she pulled me out of hiding, and made me see the world for what it was. And made me see me, for who I was. From then on, I made a choice to not let the world beat me up, but to eventually come out on top. I would have never wanted to become better, if she would have never let me known I could be. I cried, and thanked her over and over again. And I always will...

From then I had a couple of interesting people come up to me. First was Steve, and which in all honesty I was happy to see. I told him how much I was going to miss him, and that I am glad that I got to see how much of a wonderful person he truly is. I've gone to school with him for the past 7 years, and it wasn't until this year that I've seen a good side of him that I would never expect. Though I know that isn't him all the time, that is how I am want to remember him.

Next I hit Julio, whom has been dear to me since we went to Otondo, 10 years ago. He said he was going to miss me, and I was going to miss him as well. But I told him "We've ended up in the same place these past 10 years, I'm sure we will end up in the same place all over again," my Big Bear...

Then I ran into Pat. He had a smile on his face and just said "Remember 3rd Grade?" and just got me choked up. Pat and I have been going to the same school for about 11 years, and though he has changed *good to bad, bad to good*, in the end he is the same Patrick that I fell in love with from 3rd grade to 6th grade, and reminded me that my past is never too far behind me.

As well for the rest of the night....

My Godparents did show up much to my surprise, I am glad that came. It was nice to have some family around. Though I didn't get to see them that much, I did get money from them, ROCK ON! I hope to see them soon

I went to gradnight, it was boring but not too bad. I ran into people which I haven't seen in forever (Joel, Mike O, Mike C, Laurie, and Luis M, my love and brother) I also saw some people from work. and a bunch of YC people were there. Clay was there too running one of the booths. I asked him if he could slip me in a prize ticket so I could get something, as the bomb ass guy he is, he got one for me, free of charge. I ended up getting a Microwave and a hotpot, clay is my new favorite person in the whole world

I didn't get home till 4am and I slept in till about...10am then I got to go drop off my sisters friend, then went back to sleep, then said bye to my godparents, then went back to sleep, and woke up at around 3:30

I called James earlier to say hi. He said he was sorry that he didn't go to graduation, he is just afraid of my parents (which I can understand). I figured he was in Tucson already, but he isn't going till tomorrow. There is a slight chance I will see him today, but that is if hell freezes over

3thoughts<3

One Step Closer... [19 May 2005|03:37am]
[ mood | restless ]

Its been forever and I day since I've last wrote in my journal, my apologizes...

Finals week is almost here, and its still very chaotic. Most of my finals are projects, which takes the stress off having an actual test, but puts ten times more stress, well because its a project. in my civics class we have to make our own business plan for a business that we personally start, start up costs included. Then in my Physics class we have to write a 2-5 page paper (double spaced), about any topic in physics. I already did my English Final which was an in-class essay, and our religion final will be an in-class test, as well as my math final. *SCREAMS* This is just too much, plus I'm still working so I haven't had any time to do my school work.
The reality of graduation hasn't hit me yet at all. The past 4 years I have been begging for this day to come, but it hasn't hit me that I'm going to be done with YC. I guess I've somewhat enjoyed the struggle and hardship, especially that now I can enjoy it. I've seen everything in a new light, especially these past couple of months, and it somewhat makes me sad that I couldn't enjoy this as much as I should have these years gone by. I'm excited, but I dont think it will all hit me until its all over, for good

To continue on, In past news...

Cibola's prom was ok. Oscar was real nice, but the whole thing was just lame to me. I even asked him to take me home early, because I just wanted to be home, and I thought I could get the chance to see James, but to no avail, speaking of

James and I are doing well, Just counting down till July 26th...about 2 months and 7 days till that grand old day, Until then, I will just struggle with 17

I haven't really talked to Mariel, her and Lauren came to the store the other day...and we barely said anything to each other. I'm not surprised, Now that Mike is in San Diego, she doesn't have much of anything to do, and as expected she tried to make peace with me, but denies any wrongdoing, Now her mother wants to talk to me to clear things up...*psshh* Unless someone tells me who is lying and who is telling the truth, everyone is a suspect

Tucson plans are going well. I'm not quiet sure about how the house is doing, but I am going up there for orientation the 27-28 of June. In the meantime, I got a $1,000 scholarship, God only knows why because there are people out there that deserve it more than I do, but I am very thankful still...and with that, I will leave you all

Maybe the next time I write, I'll be a highschool graduate

2thoughts<3

Late for the Loving [04 May 2005|03:27am]
[ mood | crappy ]

I have about 4 hours till Cibola's prom. I have my hair done, makeup ready, dress cleaned, nails done...and I dont want to go at all. I wanted to go to Cibola's prom to have something to look forward too through all of the misery I have been feeling over the past month. Now...well out of all of the days...out of all of the Saturday's...this one had to ruin it all

I've been talking to James a lot more. We've been calling each other as of late, and I saw him Thursday night. It felt like things were back to normal, and for the first time in a month, he said I love you. He always asks me the question "why do you love me" and it always feels like I'll never have the right words to say to him. I honestly have no words that could do it justice, I just do. He makes me happy, and he is wonderful, and he has shown me that love isn't about being with each other all the time, and saying it 24-7. Its means, through all of the bullshit, all of the drama, to say "I love you" and still mean it. Its been crazy without him, and he knows that I've missed him more than words can say. He seemed a little more excited about me going to Tucson, though the thoughts of cheating still run in his head. The sad part is, that I am worried he will do that same thing...But he told me "I love you, dont forget that." I wont forget what he said, oh no...the sad part is that I'm afraid to believe him. He invited me to go see a movie tonight with him, and my heart sank. It was hard to tell him that I was already going off to Prom at the base, I mean the whole reason I wanted to go to prom was because it was on base, it was closer to him. Now he didn't sound too please that I was going on a "date" as he called it. if I could I would call Oscar now and cancel the whole thing, but I cant, its too late, and now I even regret agreeing to this. I would give up anything to spend a night with James, but I already agreed to something, and I cant back down. I want to try to get out of there as soon as I can, and hopefully have time to see if James is willing to spend it with me. next weekend he is going to Tucson, so I wont have the chance to be with him, and I wont for a while it seems. I just want to see him before I go to Puerto Rico...I wont want to leave without seeing him.

School ends in about 2 weeks, and it still doesn't feel real to me. All it feels like is another day, another week, and another eternity there. Usually around this time, the anxiety is killing some, and the need to graduate is like the need for a drug, for me though, it doesn't feel like anything, and I dont know when it will. I just know in August, things will never be the same again

5thoughts<3

Moving up and away! [28 Apr 2005|07:04am]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

I'm going to U of Fucking A!!!!!


Yes you heard right, I am going to U of A in August!

My parents have been going to Tucson for the past couple of weekends to find houses over there for me to live in when I go over there. At first they wanted me to wait a year...but there was a problem... The contract that they signed said that they couldn't rent out for the first year, so I have to go over there in August when its finished!

I told everyone, even james... he sounded happy for me, but he knew I was kinda worried about us. he is trying to be cool about it, and say that he doesn't know the future and that things might or might not change, it just all depends. It wasn't the answer I was quiet expecting...but... oh well... It Tucson baby!

4thoughts<3

Here's to the night! [26 Apr 2005|07:44am]
[ mood | weird ]

YAY! Prom Pictures!!!!!

Dont worry now, dont worry now, dont worry cause its all under control...Collapse )

10thoughts<3

I dont want to waste my time... [21 Apr 2005|11:57am]
[ mood | groggy ]

I'm here in Math Class...doing nothing of course, but its not bad...

As of Next Wednesday, I have a month left till graduation!!!!
I went looking back at my journal entries throughout the year. I read tehe entry back during the first week of school. I was so miserable and just wanted to graduate...things havent changed this whole year lol. I just got my graduation annoucments last week and the look good...I got one with James' name on it, that is if he wants it...

SO TIRED! I fell asleep in Civics today

I guess I am going to Cibola's prom for the second year in a row. This girl told me how it was going to be on base, and i got excited, so she offered to get me a date. I didnt think much of it, but accepted. I guess she found some guy who didnt have a date, and now I am going with him. I talked to him on the phone for a bit and he is pretty cool. Its all platonic though, so that makes everything better. I dont want to sluming around anymore, its been hard to have fun, but i've had some...I think i need one last excitement before we end the year. I dont intend to run off and find James while i'm there, but i think i might have to stop myself from doing that. My dress is all messed up from my own prom, so I we will see what I can do about that. Karla and I found this bad ass concert in Tucson. Sum 41, Unwritten Law, Taking Back Sunday, and Billy Idol are gonna play, but its the same day as Cibola's prom. It sucks cause I would have loved to go, but I already said I would go. Karla seemed disapointed but i said we will try soon...

thoughts<3

And through it all, remains us... [27 Mar 2005|12:44pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

*sigh* God Bless "Sex and the City"
I've watched 3 or 4 episodes that i've downloaded and i feel much better. Its made me laugh and made me realize that things happen for a reason. Relationships have ups and downs and they must have a series of endings to begin and grow stronger, or to just help realize what you really want and whats out there that is better for you. Some might think its a dirty show but if you just look past that, it shows that no matter how young or old you are, we will deal with problems and akward situations time and time again, but we have friends and ourselves to help us through.

P.S- thank you Kaylie, Koree, and Julia for just checking up and saying hi. I've never felt more alone than I did today, but the simple things have made me feel better...thanks..*tear*

6thoughts<3

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